The Hidden Emotions of Therapists: An Autoethnographic Exploration of Working with Client's who Self-Injure

Abstract

Introduction
This paper explores how working with clients who self-injure generates significant emotional reactions in therapists, often difficult to manage. Drawing on my clinical experience as a researcher and counsellor, I provide an evocative autoethnographic account, highlighting hidden, forbidden or taboo feelings. The aim was to deepen understanding of therapists' emotional realities and contribute to the limited literature on this subject.

Method
Through journaling, sketching, metaphor and field notes, I detail personal experiences with clients who self-injure. This autoethnography explores my emotions and reactions. A case vignette illustrates my experiences, promoting critical and empathic consideration of how therapist emotions are experienced.

Data Analysis
I use autoethnographic methods to analyse the emotional impact and existential reflections of working with clients who self-injure, employing layers of qualitative interpretation from various personal data sources.

Results
Findings reveal that working with clients who self-injure forces me to confront my mortality, evoking deep existential reflections and intense emotions like vulnerability and fear. This disrupts my sense of immortality, highlighting my role's limitations and evoking shame and self-doubt about my ability to alleviate suffering.

Implications for Practice
This paper advances research on self-injury and emphasises autoethnography as a valuable avenue for counsellors engaging in research. Grounded in PhD study, this paper makes an original contribution to knowledge. Integrating discussions on mortality and emotional vulnerability into supervision and training is crucial, alongside comprehensive training that addresses emotional and unconscious issues. Accessible supervision fosters growth, reduces stigma and supports therapists working with clients who self-injure.